That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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