They should really pass out barf bags in church
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
