I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
