Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
