And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
