I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
