You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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