This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
