Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
