I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
