plz talk dirty to me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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