Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize