you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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