Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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