Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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