Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
