And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
