So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
