i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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