There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
