his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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