I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
