Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
