no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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