Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
