The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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