She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
