I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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