The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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