i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
