Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
