I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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