Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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