I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We need to get me chipped asap
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
