This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
