No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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