Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
