Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
