I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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