life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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