She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
