In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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