Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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