you guys were way drunker than both of me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
