4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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