She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
