2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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