not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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