I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
