Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
