She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.