i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.