Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?