i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
