Can Purell be used as lube?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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