Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks

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  (248): My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks http://tfl.nu/rdtc
  Replies (50) Good night (7127) Bad night (1144)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... What happend then?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.

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  (404): She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating" (678): So... What happend then? (404): We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM. http://tfl.nu/3t62
  Replies (49) Good night (11323) Bad night (2585)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.

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  (617): Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem. http://tfl.nu/80or
  Replies (16) Good night (1087) Bad night (6084)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.

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  (304): I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk. http://tfl.nu/30xs
  Replies (38) Good night (10615) Bad night (1063)
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  (707): View more from California

  She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.

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  (707): She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed. http://tfl.nu/z812
  Replies (22) Good night (1395) Bad night (4789)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.

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  (830): He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net. http://tfl.nu/ybxr
  Replies (11) Good night (3953) Bad night (1194)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...

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  (717): so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody... http://tfl.nu/6y77
  Replies (1) Good night (3118) Bad night (741)
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  (831): View more from California

  So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.

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  (831): So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that. http://tfl.nu/tpz4
  Replies (21) Good night (2721) Bad night (3482)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.

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  (519): I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future. http://tfl.nu/3f9u
  Replies (4) Good night (1298) Bad night (518)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.

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  (808): And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up. http://tfl.nu/dab6
  Replies (9) Good night (3473) Bad night (727)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.

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  (815): I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex. http://tfl.nu/6un6
  Replies (12) Good night (1560) Bad night (526)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?

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  (615): Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help? http://tfl.nu/mn7q
  Replies (0) Good night (449) Bad night (822)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.

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  (306): My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover. http://tfl.nu/l5g3
  Replies (3) Good night (716) Bad night (902)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.

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  (226): I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off. http://tfl.nu/fkr9
  Replies (2) Good night (360) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult

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  (209): The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult http://tfl.nu/bmm8
  Replies (2) Good night (559) Bad night (388)

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