Whats the glycemic index on semen?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
