Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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