dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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