My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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