I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
