i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
