At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
