Dual....:-)
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
