I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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