There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
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But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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