I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
