Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
