No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
