'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
