PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
