Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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